we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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