Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
