woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
