Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
