def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
