Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
