help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
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A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
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The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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