You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
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His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
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His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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