I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
