its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
