In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
