wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
