I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
