Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
