direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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