I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
