Umm I'm too high to move.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
My dick has a subreddit
I FOUND THE LEGS
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
