The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
