When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
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He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
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How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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