i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
