i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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