I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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