So drunk its hurt
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
