Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
3 2 1 whiskey
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
