i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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