You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
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