Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
