Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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