Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
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So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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