Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
