i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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