i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Randomize
