Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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