The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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