You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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