I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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