using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
