AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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