yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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