You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
