I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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