theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
