You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
