Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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