So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
