Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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