rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
