Where did you get a picture of my penis
I want to make a zoo with you.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
