The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Randomize
