I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
