Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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