I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
