i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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