If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
