If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
