Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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