Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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