I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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