so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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