you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
