I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
