Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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