Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Quick, to the slutcave!
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
