so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
