She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize