I just cut my nipple shaving
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
