I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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