the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
that may or may not have been my penis.
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