Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I just found puke in my bra..
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Randomize
