let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
