THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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