Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
