Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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