I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
